Exclusive: Games Sweatshop to offer free pubic hairs with finecast blisters in an effort to drive up sales

News just in, Games Sweatshop have revealed that they will be offering a limited edition set of pubes in selected blisters from their plasticine-like 'Finecash' range of models.

Dark end of the Street was able to catch up with the tyrannical wargaming company's indifferent founder, Jarvil McJohncunt who gave us an exclusive preview:

A pube, yesterday

"As you can see" stated the plucky, 67 year old mother of 5 "We've begun offering  a limited edition set of pubes in selected blisters from our plasticine-like 'Finecash' range of models. We took the pubes from that rarest of creature: Somebody that plays our games who is old enough to have actually fucking grown some. Given the scarcity of these creatures, we had originally intended to retain this specimen in captivity for breeding, but had to release him back into the wild. First off, we found out that birds don't play our games, They're more into shopping and hair-dryers and that. Secondly, he didn't know what a girl was."

But there's always a bright side said 59 year old Jarvil, greatuncle of 6 and generally smug, rich cunt:

 "The great thing for our cuntomers is that not only do you have models that will melt with little provocation at room temperature faster than those of other, lesser game companies, but now you have the added incentive of owning a genital hair, from the ballbag of an emotionally retarded 30-something that still plays with toy soldiers in our shops!"

Games sweatshop's Finecash (with pubes) is available from all good wargaming retailers, (except Wayland Games, cos they've got the good sense to get it to fuck back where it came from in the first instance!).

Ignorance is bliss

If Games Workshop insist on emailing me this garbage each week, then it's my responsibility as an aspiring blogger to make use of it in the least socially acceptable manner conceivable. 

Observe - if you will - the last supper of Christ. 

"But Ginger one!" I hear you declaim. "Where is the saviour? 

Why are there so many in attendance at the humble repast of our lord? 

Why are they so plagued by acne and social awkwardness? Why are they on what is clearly a ground floor edifice? ( "And he will shew you a large upper room furnished and prepared: there make ready for us." Mark 14:15)

These are all valid points, but there is method to my seeming madness; method which shall be revealed in due course.

Consider, if you will, that the exultant joy of these unwashed, prepubescent miscreants is featured in a newsletter announcing the launch of Citadel finecast. Now consider this:

The people in this picture have just been told that they will be able to buy models cast in a material that makes them considerably cheaper to produce than their metal counterparts, yet will cost them more money to purchase.

Did you get that?

They've just been told that their already expensive hobby is going to become more expensive for no discernible reason other than making money for the company.

Just checking.

Bearing all this in mind, I assume that these youngsters are in the throes of some religious fervour on a par with attendance at the feast of our lord and saviour Jesus Christ. Either that, or they are some masochistic fucks that will look back on this with shame when they discover Warmachine in about 5 years time.

Here endeth the lesson.

Amen