Red Scorpions army on ebay

If you haven't been on Redscorps' blog, then you're missing out.

Selling this must be pretty heartbreaking...

Incredibly, this guy only took up miniature painting a relatively short time ago, (What am I doing wrong?).

His marines have been featured on GW's 'What's new today' and you owe it to yourself to have a look at this auction, even if you don't have any intention of bidding:

http://reds-corps.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/red-scorpions-for-sale-on-ebay-for-7.html?showComment=1341246474090#c1873891355523680250

He also did a tutorial for the GW site which you can find here:

http://www.games-workshop.com/gws/content/blogPost.jsp?aId=17900004a

More painted Dust Tactics Squads

Since the release of Dust Warfare, I've been busy painting up some of the Dust Tactics miniatures in my back catalogue.

I love Dust Tactics and Warfare is a great ruleset too, but it's not the absolute be-all and end-all for me. It's quick and fun with a surprising capacity for real strategic depth. Unfortunately, despite a novel game mechanic, (in my limited experience) and lovely presentation, the rulebook itself is a mess in terms of functionality and layout.

For a balanced review, go and see one of my favourite reads on the blogosphere, Frontline Gamer. In the meantime, here are a few pictures of my Allied minis for Dust Tactics/Warfare. I've only photographed the ones which are both painted and completely based, so this is a small selection while I wait for the Vallejo brown earth to dry on the others:

"Who's that? Jervis Johnson? No, I still haven't forgiven you for the last 3 editions of Warhammer Fantasy. Yes, I'm playing Dust instead now. Are you...? Dude, are you crying?"

Actually, I was just going to say that in this month's Standard Bearer column, I ...

"Piss off Jervis and take that fucking Storm of magic with you on the way out!"

"Righto! (It's probably for the best).

Ozz 117's flamethrower bears an unfortunate resemblance to some kind of petrol-driven sex aid.

"I'm the leader because I'm pointing like this. See?"

"Well, this is nice. So... um... what do we do now?"
"Sir, we could shoot some monkeys sir."
"Private? I like your thinking. To the zoo!"

"The humans approach my brothers. Now is the time for our emancipation! Now is the time to rise up and show the oppressors our true intellect! Now is the time to.... hold on  a cunting minute, is that dude holding a banana? Hey you, over here! Look, I'm playing with myself in an amusing manner and throwing shit at the cage bars! (Ook, ook, etc...)"



And that 's pretty much how my first game of Dust Warfare went down. Peace out, y'all.

New direction for Dark end of the Street

It has recently come to my attention that this wargaming blog is a bit silly.

To that end, I have opted for a more traditional and sombre approach to the journalistic process and will be altering both the content and presentation of blog forthwith.

In the spirit of a new, more serious Dark end of the Street, here is a picture of monkeys having a knife-fight:

Some monkeys having a knife-fight, yesterday.

Thank you for reading. Please have a safe journey home. I recommend anything by Phil Collins, post-Genesis era for your evening commute drive-time music selection.

Dark End

6th Edition of 40K announced

That'll be that then...

So it's 4 weeks late? Who's counting?

On Saturday I popped into Games Workshop Nottingham to find out more about the new paint range and to see what everyone thought about them. The store had only been open a few minutes before people started piling in to try out the new paints and it was very interesting watching people's reactions to them as well as to the overwhelming prevalence of adverse body odour. Some were curious, others were excited, some were a little sceptical about the whole thing. However, the first people to get to the Paint Stations for a painting demo found themselves pleasantly surprised.

Pleasantly surprised, yesterday.

'This silver is really easy to use,' said one lad, who was busy trying out a potential scheme for his Grey Knights and playing with himself. It didn't take him long to start writing out a shopping list of colours to advance order. 'This white just covers so well,' said another customer across the table from me as he applied a Base of Ceramite White over a Chaos Black undercoated model. 'It's like some kind of paint-based magic.' he slobbered, pathetically. Next to him another eager painter was so excited that he really didn't know where to begin. 'The Texture Paints are...'

Hold on a fucking minute, yesterday

Hold on a fucking minute...

"Hold on? But I wanted to tell you about how the Texture Paints are..."

Yeah, yeah, yeah mouth-breather, give a man some personal space for a minute. What the fuck are those... 'things'... in the picture?!?

"What things? I don't see anything. Just a great, big blank space to the immediate left of that beardy ginger cunt, (from my vantage point off-camera). Anyway, about these Texture Paints..."

No, look, I'm telling you, I SAW something. There were 3 of them and they were like... sort of... different...

"Great. Anyway, these Texture Paints are..."

Bald.

THERE! I SAW THEM! I FUCKING SAW THEM THAT TIME!!!

"I didn't see anything, although that baldy cunt standing next to those 2 birds is.... ahhhh...... gotcha..."

I know, right? What the fuck are they doing in Games Sweatshop and where are their beards or other unsuccessfully quirky fashion accessories, (such as leather stormcoat, or inexplicable stetson)?

"I... I have no idea! Suddenly I don't want to talk about paint that much any more. Why I can't even remember how many different paints are available in the new range that I wish I'd watched dry on an individual basis rather than be put through the overhyped marketing campaign in favour of the aforementioned!"

Phil Mitchell, yesterday.

THERE'S ANOTHER ONE AND MAYBE AN ADDITIONAL ONE BEHIND IT!?!?

"What... what's happening to my pee pee? I feel tingly... I don't like it!!!!"

May I interject here? I think what you'll find is...

Piss off Jervis!

"Yeah, piss off! You'll just try and talk about bloody paint again. Bring back Devlan Mud! Prick."

Righto! (Off I piss...)

I think I like birds. 

"Yeah, me too. Do you think we'll ever see another one?"

No. 

Not ever.

Not a bird. Yesterday.

Dear Uncle Truth

Howdy.

It's been a long time since I put anything out on the web for my good, good friend, Tom over at the Dark end of the Street, but I've been in prison since doing a shit on one of the tables at Throne of Skulls. Here's my first email from Barry in Balornock, Glasgow:

Dear Uncle Truth,

I accidentally watched an episode of 'On the Table'.

Please help,

Love Barry x

I'm sorry Barry, but even my usual brand of ridiculous, overly elaborate nonsensical advice, (featuring Vulkan of the Salamanders in some ludicrously unlikely sexual capacity or other) will not serve to undo the damage suffered by your brain's asshole. It has been pummelled into submission by a deluge of topical, yet horrendously ill-presented wargaming information that would have been better delivered by being placed on the end of a very large man's phallus and beaten repeatedly and without mercy against your skull. Next please:

Greetings nameless wargames consumer,


I am Gameeeees Sweeeeeeatshop's tradeeeee manageeeeer Andreeeeeeeeee Kieeeeeeeeran. My company reeeeceeeeently beeeegan using an alteeeeernativeeeee casting meeeeedium known as Fineeeeecash.


It's pish, but pureeeeee cheeeeap, (unleeeeess you'reeee oneeeee of the cunts buying the reeeesulting, low quality modeeeeeels, in which caseeeee theeeeeey'reeeee ineeeeexplicably moreeee eeeexpeeeensive). (eeeee).


So poor are theeeee modeeeels in point of fact, that we haveeee beeeeeeeen ableeee to creeeeateee a wholeeeee neeeeew rangeeee of hobby products such as liquid greeeeeeen stuff and flash removal tools baseeeed soleeeeely on the non-eeeeexisteeeent quality control applieeeeed during the casting proceeeeeeess. 


I don't actually reeeeequireeee any adviceeeee. I'm just gloating.


Andreeeeeeeeeeee


Well Andreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. It would appear that your Necron army list is lacking in heavy support options. I recommend going for a pee-pee in an empty Irn-Bru bottle then having it shipped to the boys at 'Beasts of War' for their immediate consumption.

Next prick:   


Dear Uncle Truth,


You are a fanny and I hate you. Why don't you just piss off and take your brand of tired, derivative, idiomatic drivel with you, you CUNT! 


You've been blogging about wargaming for ages and I've yet to see you taking a pop at homosexuals in any way, shape or form. What's that all about?!?!?!


Love, (but not gay love) Britt (x)


Dear Britt,

Excellent question. I am a wargamer. To that end, sexuality is as meaningful to me as the bizarre, u-shaped carpet that some people place around the base of their toilet bowl. Does it have any purpose beyond soaking up stray piss and acting as some kind of pube-magnet? I don't know. That's because it isn't relevant to wargaming. I am a wargamer. I leave the judgement calls to assholes who should know better. Next:

Dear Uncle Truth,


I have sent you a picture of me:

Fuck off Jervis.

                                           

Righto!

Well, that appears to be all we have time for in the problem cabin this week. Join me next time that I can't be fucked coming up with an original blog post; opting instead for a tried and trusted anachronism.

Uncle Truth

60 000 visitors

Dark end of the street hit the 60 000 visitor mark yesterday and I never noticed.

My sincere thanks to everybody who takes the time for a visit, especially my number 1 fan, Jervis, (mother of 9).

Hopefully the blog will be mentioned in Standard Bearer at some point :(

Cheers,

Dark End of the Street