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Wednesday, 9 May 2012

So it's 4 weeks late? Who's counting?

On Saturday I popped into Games Workshop Nottingham to find out more about the new paint range and to see what everyone thought about them. The store had only been open a few minutes before people started piling in to try out the new paints and it was very interesting watching people's reactions to them as well as to the overwhelming prevalence of adverse body odour. Some were curious, others were excited, some were a little sceptical about the whole thing. However, the first people to get to the Paint Stations for a painting demo found themselves pleasantly surprised.

Pleasantly surprised, yesterday.

'This silver is really easy to use,' said one lad, who was busy trying out a potential scheme for his Grey Knights and playing with himself. It didn't take him long to start writing out a shopping list of colours to advance order. 'This white just covers so well,' said another customer across the table from me as he applied a Base of Ceramite White over a Chaos Black undercoated model. 'It's like some kind of paint-based magic.' he slobbered, pathetically. Next to him another eager painter was so excited that he really didn't know where to begin. 'The Texture Paints are...'

Hold on a fucking minute, yesterday

Hold on a fucking minute...

"Hold on? But I wanted to tell you about how the Texture Paints are..."

Yeah, yeah, yeah mouth-breather, give a man some personal space for a minute. What the fuck are those... 'things'... in the picture?!?

"What things? I don't see anything. Just a great, big blank space to the immediate left of that beardy ginger cunt, (from my vantage point off-camera). Anyway, about these Texture Paints..."

No, look, I'm telling you, I SAW something. There were 3 of them and they were like... sort of... different...

"Great. Anyway, these Texture Paints are..."



"I didn't see anything, although that baldy cunt standing next to those 2 birds is.... ahhhh...... gotcha..."

I know, right? What the fuck are they doing in Games Sweatshop and where are their beards or other unsuccessfully quirky fashion accessories, (such as leather stormcoat, or inexplicable stetson)?

"I... I have no idea! Suddenly I don't want to talk about paint that much any more. Why I can't even remember how many different paints are available in the new range that I wish I'd watched dry on an individual basis rather than be put through the overhyped marketing campaign in favour of the aforementioned!"

Phil Mitchell, yesterday.


"What... what's happening to my pee pee? I feel tingly... I don't like it!!!!"

May I interject here? I think what you'll find is...
Piss off Jervis!

"Yeah, piss off! You'll just try and talk about bloody paint again. Bring back Devlan Mud! Prick."

Righto! (Off I piss...)

I think I like birds. 

"Yeah, me too. Do you think we'll ever see another one?"


Not ever.

Not a bird. Yesterday.


Tony said...

this is fucking ace

Tom Rolland said...

Why thankyou young fellow. I like your plague monk. He's lovely!

Right, I'd best be off. I'm writing Jervis' standard bearer column this month. It's about paint.

Fucking paint.