What's new this week?

HEY YOU!!!

Who, me?

YES YOU. ARE YOU  A SAD, DESPERATE LONER WHO USES TABLETOP WARGAMING TO FILL AN OTHERWISE FATHOMLESS HOLE IN YOUR LIFE?

Yes.

DO YOU HAVE BUMFLUFF LIKE A WISP OF CANDYFLOSS AT THE CORNERS OF YOUR TOP LIP AND LABOUR UNDER THE MISAPPREHENSION THAT YOUR GREASY LONG HAIR MAKES YOU LOOK SOMEHOW DASHING? YOU MAY EVEN OWN A STETSON, OR FEDORA.

Yes. I look like captain Jack Sparrow. My mum says.

HAVE YOU JUST MURDERED A LADY?

What?

DID YOU MAKE HER DRESS UP AS THE CLEANER AT AN INSURANCE OFFICE THEN STOVE HER HEAD IN WITH AN PLASTIC EFFIGY OF THE BLACKPOOL TOWER THAT YOUR GRANNY BROUGHT BACK FROM HOLIDAY YEARS AGO?

The Space Needle. It was the Seattle Space Needle. Oh God... Oh my sweet Jesus, I'm going to jail...

THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK 'NEIL FROM THE YOUNG ONES', BUT YOUR FRIENDS AT GAMES SWEATSHOPTM HAVE DIFFERENT IDEAS!

You can make it go away? I won't have to go to prison?

YES. WITH THE NEW 'SUPERLY MASSIVE OVER THE TOP' CASE FROM GAMES SWEATSHOP, YOU CAN SAFELY AND DISCRETELY CARRY YOUR VICTIMS' REMAINS TO THEIR FINAL RESTING PLACE WITHOUT FEAR OF DISCOVERY. SIMPLY CHOP THEM INTO SMALL, MANAGEABLE PIECES, (WE RECOMMEND USING CUNTADELTM BODY DISPOSING TOOLS) AND PLACE THEM NEATLY INTO THE CASE. VOILA! NOW YOU CAN GO TO GREGGS AND GAMES WORKSHOP AND YOUR HOUSE AND NOWHERE ELSE UNLESS YOU HAVE A JOB IN RELATIVE COMFORT AND WITHOUT UNDUE FEAR OF REPRISAL!

WOW! THANKS GAMES SWEATSHOP! TM

DON'T MENTION IT YOU BIG CREEPY BASTARD. NOW OFF YOU TROT. THERE ARE PLENTY MORE WOMEN OUT THERE FOR YOU TO STARE AT MALIGNANTLY FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME BEFORE BRUTALLY MURDERING FOR YOUR PERVERSE GRATIFICATION.

I will kill again.

I disapprove of stereotyping gamers in this manner! What would Tim Stanley from the Torygraph say?

Piss off Jervis.

Righto.