It has been reported that a man has gone into the Glasgow branch of Warhammer and left without purchasing something other than what he went in for in the first place.
Barry Kelly, (31) from Glasgow is alleged to have entered the store on his way home from work and ‘popped in’ for a pot of Black Templar contrast paint. Staff and eye-wtinesses have confirmed, however, that Kelly broke with firmly established Warhammer store visiting conventions by walking directly to the paint rack, selecting his chosen item, taking it to the counter and purchasing it before leaving without so much as a glance to either side.
“It was fucking weird.” said store manager, Steve Bloke. “He walked straight in, right past the guy that I’ve positioned at the front door who says ‘hi’ to everybody without even nodding in a non-committal manner. It would have been ok if he'd engaged in half-hearted banter regarding armies that he has no intention of painting, ever, but I genuinely got the feeling... the horrible feeling... that he was going to... to PAINT something!”
“Yes.” says Martin Guy, store front door cunt, “My main job is to pretend that I’m glad to see the sad, pre-pubescent loners when they come in and to pounce on the weak-looking, indecisive grandparents who walk through the doors at Christmas like timid deer. I’m fucking good at saying ‘hi’ to cunts. It’s basically what I do. This weirdo didn’t bite! It’s almost as though he had a planned purchase in mind, but that can’t happen. Can it?”
“IT’S UNPRECEDENTED!” shouts Stuart Fellow, loud shop-person. “IT’S ALMOST AS FUCKED UP AS THAT TIME A BIRD CAME IN! FAIR PLAY THOUGH. SHE WAS WITH HER BOYFRIEND!”
“What? Oh. No. I had my headphones on.” said Kelly.
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