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Sunday, 19 June 2011

Uncle Truth's problem cabin for gamers (issue 2)

Howdy.

Nobody at all asked me for my advice on gaming recently, so I thought I'd once more pollute the internet with a bilious excretion of self-aggrandizing twaddle that quite literally 'shags' all the fun right out of gaming under the premise that another human being actually sought out my advice.

This week's first gaming problem comes from warmacnut927:

Dear Uncle Truth. I can see you. I watch you changing into your pyjamas at night and it leaves a stain on toe of my right shoe. I will never wash that shoe. Ever. Those who know me and are familiar with my standards of personal hygiene will not think this decision out of character, but they are not privy to my emotional connection with this moment. I want to be inside you homes. For real.


Also, can you tell me how to beat and Epic Deneghra list?


Thanks.


Uuuuuuhhh.....


Well warmacnut927, I should probably start by saying that even though your question is about a game that obviously isn't 40K, I'm still better at 40k than you are at this game. What I recommend is taking Vulcan of the Salamanders chapter. I've always felt that Vulkan should only take units that he can get covered by third party insurance with only a very small excess. You should equip them with egg-mayonnaise sandwiches and a flask of hot water with the requisite number of teabags, (you should take the teabags with you instead of pouring ready-brewed tea in the flask, otherwise you will lose).



Next up is Unclesausagefind666:

Dear uncletruth. 


Can you write me a list for a 9 drop pod terminator assault list with 6 landraiders and a captain with two powerfists, each with a flamer on each powerfist each? Like you, I wish to suck all the fun out of gaming by talking about it a lot and only very rarely actually playing it. You are my hero.


That's great news son! What I suggest is that you wash the offending teeshirt with similarly coloured items and turn it inside out to protect the textured weave of the autobot symbol on its front. Remember, I'm significantly more good than you at 40k.

Also, I have all weapons.



Well that's it for this week's uncle truth's problem cabin. Remember to keep sending your gaming problems to Uncle Truth at www.darkenders.blogspot.com.

Remember folks, if you actually stop talking about gaming long enough to do it, then you're doing something wrong!

2 comments:

KnightsofOblivion said...

Once again people have been staring at me when I laugh out loud! Must stop reading this stuff on my iPhone when other people around :) keep up the good work.

one day gingers will rule the earth said...

Dear KnightsofOblivion.

I was sorry to hear about your goldfish. The following should assist you in your funerary preparations:

2000 Pts – Space Marines Roster

1 Forgefather Vulkan He’stan, 190 pts
1 Kesare’s Mantle

9 Terminator Assault Squad, 400 pts (Thunder Hammer & Storm Shield x9)
1 Sergeant (Thunder Hammer & Storm Shield x1)

4 Sternguard Veteran Squad, 195 pts (Combi-Meltagun x2; Heavy Flamer x2)
1 Sergeant (Bolt Pistol; Combi-Meltagun x1)
1 Rhino (Searchlight; Smoke Launchers; Storm Bolter)

4 Sternguard Veteran Squad, 195 pts (Combi-Meltagun x2; Heavy Flamer x2)
1 Sergeant (Bolt Pistol; Combi-Meltagun x1)
1 Rhino (Searchlight; Smoke Launchers; Storm Bolter)

9 Tactical Squad, 230 pts (Meltagun; Multi-Melta)
1 Sergeant (Combi-Flamer x1; Combi-Meltagun x1)
1 Rhino (Searchlight; Smoke Launchers; Storm Bolter)

9 Tactical Squad, 230 pts (Meltagun; Multi-Melta)
1 Sergeant (Combi-Flamer x1; Combi-Meltagun x1)
1 Rhino (Searchlight; Smoke Launchers; Storm Bolter)

9 Tactical Squad, 230 pts (Meltagun; Multi-Melta)
1 Sergeant (Combi-Flamer x1; Combi-Meltagun x1)
1 Rhino (Searchlight; Smoke Launchers; Storm Bolter)

9 Tactical Squad, 230 pts (Meltagun; Multi-Melta)
1 Sergeant (Combi-Flamer x1; Combi-Meltagun x1)
1 Rhino (Searchlight; Smoke Launchers; Storm Bolter)

1 Attack Bike Squad, 50 pts (Multi-Melta x1)

1 Attack Bike Squad, 50 pts (Multi-Melta x1)

Total Roster Cost: 2000


Our thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

Also, I feel the undeniable urge to point out that Vulkan can easily beat both Optimus Prime AND a T-Rex.

Your friend,

Uncle Truth